


Not To Kiss And Tell

by Tell_Tale_Tomes



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: I learned that in Exandria it's not New Year's it's New Dawn so i tried to use that, Love Confessions, New Year's Kiss, Other, and also technically that gardening isn't very boring but that's minor, the reader is not described beyond a penchant for casual physical affection and supportive nature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:42:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21977521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tell_Tale_Tomes/pseuds/Tell_Tale_Tomes
Summary: Rather self-explanatory with the New Year's Kiss tag, but: in the Xhorhaus you find Caleb alone in the garden, and a quiet confession ensues.
Relationships: Caleb Widogast/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 101





	Not To Kiss And Tell

It is New Dawn’s Eve in Rosohna, and the Mighty Nein are celebrating a well-deserved break from their last harrowing journey.

In recent months, you have become one of the Mighty Nein, and as such are at the Xhorhaus with the rest of the team. You love this crew- Jester’s penchant for sweets and mischief in equal measure, Beau’s take-no-shit attitude and willingness to defend her friends, and especially Caduceus’ gentle voice and the advice he gives- which is often when you least expect it, but most need it- and his endearing cluelessness about certain things.

That said, your favorite of the team is definitely Caleb.

It was something in the way he spoke, his quiet intellect, his thirst for knowledge, how he acted with Frumpkin- particularly when he sent his familiar quietly to the side of anyone who he thought would need the comfort of something to hold. It was this that struck you the most, once you realized it. The man was so quiet, self-described as awkward and having troubles in social situations, but this was one way he showed his love and support. It was far easier than words, though he would offer some stilted assurances as well, if he felt it appropriate.

You had, more than once, been sitting off to the side at camps, or in your new room in the Xhorhaus, only to have the sleek, striped form of Frumpkin suddenly head-butting your hand. You would often simply coo little things to him, calling him a good, handsome boy, thanking him by petting and kissing him.

Sometimes, though, you tell Frumpkin your troubles. What went wrong that day, or general complaints about travel, or some frustrating person or another.

You are snapped out of your reverie by the distinct sound of a popping champagne cork, and the cheers of your found family. It wasn’t midnight yet, but the party had been in full-swing for a couple of hours- Essek had even stopped by briefly, at Jester’s insistence, so she could present him with pastries, and so the whole group could thank him once more for his support.

Nott suddenly hands you a glass of champagne, smiling, and speaks.

“Here, I think Fjord is about to make a toast, so even if you don’t want to drink you can at least clink with us,”

“Thank you, Nott,” you smile, accepting the drink as Fjord stands on a chair for the added dramatic effect.

“I’d love to thank everyone, from the bottom of my heart. This has been a successful- if harrowing, at times- year for us all. We have experienced things we- or at least, I- never dreamt of seeing or doing. More importantly, I think, is how close we have all become. I’m not sure how else to say it, but you are all very much so my family. I’m glad to be ringing in the New Dawn festivities with you all, and here’s to another fantastic year ahead of us!”

Everyone gives a loud cheer, and you clink your glass alongside Caleb- who sits across from you at the dining room table- and Caduceus and Jester, who are closest to you. Jester and Caduceus’s glasses are filled with chocolate milk and tea, respectively.

“Fjord, thank you so much, I’m really glad we’ve all become such good friends too!” Jester said as Beau offered her arm as a support for him to get back down.

“I am, as well. You guys have definitely… become very much so like my family, as well, I think,” Yasha offers with a smile.

“Hey, that’s what friends are for. If you don’t like your family, they can fuck off, and you can have a new one with people you like,” Beau remarks, earning a few chuckles.

“Here, here!” Caduceus responds, lifting his tea up and towards her before continuing, “This crew… there is a lot of love, here, I think. Even if we show it differently, and even if we have arguments, we know we still care for each other,”

This earns a few more positive murmurs, and you catch Caleb’s eye from across the table as Caduceus mentions showing love differently.

He quickly averts his gaze back to Frumpkin, sitting happily in his lap, purring as Caleb scritches under his chin.

You smile, and decide to offer your own sentiments to the group.

“I’d like to thank you guys, as well. I know you were already a close-knit group by the time I showed up, but you have all been so kind to welcome me in, as if we’d known each other all our lives,” you say, looking at all of their smiling faces, eyes beginning to water with the next words. “I really appreciate it more than I know how to put into words. Adventuring with you all, and these little domestic experiences, have been the best months of my life,”

“We love you!” Jester practically shouts, reaching for you across the table, accidentally pushing Caleb back a bit as she has you lean in for a quick hug, and a peck on the cheek. Caduceus squeezes your shoulder and grins goofily at you as he speaks.

“That we do. We’re happy to have you around,”

“Ja, we have gotten to know each other pretty well,” Caleb says, a bit haltingly. He hasn’t been silent, but he looks like he’s been thinking a lot throughout the festivities. “Uh, you know I’m not good with words, but, um… thank you for all of your help, and support, throughout the past few months,”

Everyone else makes noises of agreement, and Beau calls out, “You fuckin rock, of course we’re happy to have you here!”

“Yeah, you’ve been a great help in some sticky situations, and you’ve been a huge source of… I guess, moral support? You always seem to be there when we need you,” Nott says, grinning, before taking a swig from her flask.

Everyone resumes general conversation, and Caduceus tells you about some new fungus he’s cultivating in his tower garden, in the roots of the tree.

“I tried to make a tea of it, it has some citrusy, floral notes to it…” he explains.

He’s a little odd regarding fungi of any type, but you often listen politely anyway, asking some questions when appropriate. At the very least, gardening is something kind of interesting to you.

After about a half hour of speaking to everyone, listening to fun stories and reminiscing further on the past few months, you realize Caleb is nowhere to be seen.

Caduceus, perceptive as ever, notices your confusion at seeing the vacated seat.

“If you want to find him, he headed upstairs when I was talking about my fungus. Maybe he wanted to check it out for himself?”

You smile and nod, humoring him, “That might be it, Caduceus, thank you. I’ll see if I can find him, it’s getting close to midnight,”

“Ooh, good idea! Maybe you can even talk a little bit… or  _ flirt,”  _ Jester teased as you stand. Your face gets a bit hot as she stage-whispers the last two words. She was one of the first to acknowledge, in private, that she knew you like the reclusive wizard.

“Come now, Jester, let them sort it out themselves,” Nott responds quietly, giving you a smile and a wink, “Go, go find him!”

You let out a nervous chuckle and do as she suggested, walking the staircase up to the garden containing the giant tree on top of the Xhorhaus.

Quickly, Caduceus is proven correct; Caleb is sitting back against the tree’s roots, staring out into the magical sky. Frumpkin notices you before Caleb does, leaving his warm embrace to come trotting, purring, to your feet.

You smile, scoop Frumpkin up into your arms, and plant a kiss on his head before you look up at Caleb, who is smiling somewhat wistfully at the two of you. Unlike earlier, his eyes don’t leave yours as you walk up to him.

“Hey,” you say.

“Hey,”

“Do you mind if I sit with you?”

“Oh, of course not,” he responds, shifting a bit to the side as you settle down and cross your legs while Frumpkin dutifully takes the role of lap-warmer.

“I noticed you had left. Was the excitement just a bit much tonight, or…?” you venture nonchalantly as your hand glides over Frumpkin’s back.

“Uh, yes, I suppose so… I’ve had a lot on my mind, so I came out here to think,” he explains.

“Ah, alright,” you respond, picking your next words carefully. “Is this… anything you’d like to talk about? Or I can leave you be if you actually want some quiet?”

Immediately, Caleb looks down into his lap, but you see a genuine smile playing at his lips before he speaks.

“Nein- no, you are more than welcome to stay. I just wanted a bit of, um… a more relaxed environment than what is happening downstairs. You are someone I can trust to stay relaxed, among other things,” he says, looking back up at the sky at the end.

You feel the heat rise to your face again as your own lips curl into a smile. He has said once or twice before that he trusts you, and reaffirms it occasionally with more subtle nods as to why he does.

“Thank you, Caleb. I have to admit I like being able to relax with you as well, but I’m sure I’ve said as much before,” you say as you sneak a glance at him before looking back to Frumpkin’s wide eyes.

“You have. You are always a… rather forthright person. You say what you’re thinking, but with a bit more grace- or sensitivity, rather, than some. It is quite refreshing, in the line of work that is adventuring,” he says, reaching over to pet Frumpkin’s head.

The familiar stretches, causing you both to smile as he stands and moves to settle in the space between you.

“Oh, he’s just trying to get twice the attention isn’t he?” you laugh, as he brushes his whiskers against your knuckles.

“Yes, he is quite the ham, I suppose,” Caleb agrees, patting Fumpkin’s side with an amused smirk.

“So, will you want to go back downstairs at some point? Or are we ringing in New Dawn out here, do you think?”

“Well… I’m not entirely sure yet. We have another half hour-ish to decide, though,”

“That’s true,” you say, and the two- rather, three- of you lapse into a comfortable silence, only broken occasionally when Frumpkin makes a cheerful noise.

You try to make sure your stolen glances are quick enough not to be noticed, staring up at the sky and the softly-lit branches of the tree above you between them. Of course, with the both of you looking away while still absentmindedly stroking Frumpkin, it only takes a few minutes for your hands to brush against each other.

Caleb’s hand briefly covers yours, rough fingertips gliding against the top of your hand for just a second before he registers that it’s not fur, and he retracts his hand.

“Er, sorry, I wasn’t re-really looking-” he explains, stumbling on his words slightly.

“Don’t worry about it. I know you’re not about physical contact, but it definitely doesn’t bother me,” you reassure him, before a surge of bravery makes you continue with a slightly teasing, “However, if that’s your way of trying to hold my hand, you could just ask,”

This makes him stutter a bit, his face flushing, before he composes himself.

“No, I-I know that. You, eh, have always been a rather affectionate sort, so, if-if I wanted, I know you would be… okay with that,” he finally gets out.

“I know, I’m just teasing a bit. Sometimes someone just needs a solid hug or a hand to hold for a while, so I’m happy to provide,”

“It is a great trait to have. Especially in the sorts of adventures we can get into; when it gets to be a great emotional toll, we need reassurance in various ways,”

“You’re definitely right on that one. I’ve noticed you tend to prefer your quiet, and just relaxing with Frumpkin… but I have also seen you send Frumpkin out to us when you think we need him. I just want to say that I appreciate that,” you confess, eyes firmly resting on the cat in question.

Caleb gives a short exhale, and says, “So you’ve noticed. Yes, I find him to be a… almost a security blanket of sorts. If he helps me, I imagine he helps others as well. I am glad you enjoy his company,” 

“Of course I do, he’s such a handsome little man,” you quip, still looking at Frumpkin. After a beat of silence, you look up at Caleb, who is looking at you in a way you haven’t seen before. His eyes are soft, and filled with a vulnerability that, for once, isn’t pained.

He schools his expression back into neutrality, so fast that if you weren’t as perceptive as you are, you would have missed it.

But you did not miss it; and you get the feeling that Caleb is aware of that fact.

He clears his throat as he shifts his gaze up into the boughs of the tree, hands clasped tight in his lap.

“Did you have any New Dawn traditions growing up?” he asks, rather suddenly. Whatever he believes you saw, he clearly isn’t ready to talk about.

You understand, and respond truthfully as Frumpkin paws at your hand.

“Personally, no. My hometown would throw a festival that lasted all night, with music, dancing, food stalls… the few magic users that were there, well, they would prepare their most harmlessly dazzling spells; making lights dance, leaving sparks after them like miniature comets… the occasional illusion of some fun scene or another. I know that nearly everyone’s favorite part was midnight, as soon as the bells rang everyone with a partner would hold them close to greet New Dawn with a kiss. I always thought it was nice, the idea of beginning with a simple show of love, like you’re blessing the next year, but I’ve never had anyone to do that with,” you admit, your gaze moving across the sky as you speak, before it settles on Caleb’s profile.

“I see… if it helps, I have never had a New Dawn’s kiss either,” he says, nodding slightly to himself. “I had never considered it the way you described, however; I knew it was tradition for some, but the idea of it being a… a blessing, of sorts, I suppose, never really occurred to me,”

You smile a bit at his words, and Frumpkin stands again, arching his back in a stretch. He seems to glance at you before he puts his front paws on Caleb’s forearm, making a curious noise to get his attention.

“Oh, ja?” he half asks, in response to the loud noise Frumpkin repeats.

With a quick headbutt of Caleb’s chin, Frumpkin suddenly turns around, trotting quietly back down the stairs.

“Where is he going?” you ask, mostly to yourself.

“Who knows,” Caleb shrugs. “He likes to prowl, at times,”

“I see… what were you saying, about the kissing tradition?” 

“Oh, just… just what I had already said. It’s a new perspective, one I appreciate. One day, perhaps, we can partake in that tradition,” he says, before he realizes his wording, and looks at you in a slight panic.

You notice it in time, though, and smile as you can’t help but cut off the beginning of his reworded sentence with another teasing half-flirt.

“‘We’ you say? Much like the hand holding, if you want a kiss, all you have to do is ask, Caleb,”

This has more of an effect than you expected. He flounders for words for a few seconds before he falls silent, looking down at his hands again as his face burns bright red. You can tell he’s trying to process, and figure out how serious you were.

You leave him for a moment, then, curious to see how he takes the comment.

“I, um… I would, uh… I didn’t mean that we…” he inhales and lets out a huff as he chooses his words more carefully, “I wouldn’t want you to… kiss me out of a sense of, of pity, or just because you want to… to be able to say you’ve had a New Dawn’s kiss, you know? Not even just you, but… anyone. I tend to take that seriously,”

You smile, a slight pang of disappointment in your chest even as you understand that for him, so averse to touch, of course a kiss would be meaningful.

“Of course, Caleb, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I do promise you, though, if ever we did kiss, it would definitely not be out of pity,” you say. Courage takes hold before your brain has a chance to weigh the pros and cons, and out comes, “It would be because I actually quite like you, you know,”

This seems to be a surprise to him, again. He looks at your face, tells you’re serious, and then his eyes flick away from yours as he tries to find something to focus on while he searches for the right words.

“Well, I… I um, don’t think I expected that,” he finally breathes out, and if it weren’t for the smile trying to tug at the corner of his lip, you would be feeling very embarrassed right now. “I… this is, uh, unusual for me, you know. I-I don’t take to people like this very easily, uh, but I’m happy to say that I-I like you, as well,”

Finally, his eyes find yours again as a huge grin crosses your face, and seeing that, his own mouth curls into that same genuine smile as before. His eyes twinkle in the lights resting in the branches, and for a second your breath catches in your throat.

“Caleb, I really… I’m very glad to hear that,” you half-laugh. “I don’t… I don’t know what this means, for us, entirely. I know you have been through a lot, so we don’t-”

“Slowly,” he says, firmly, expression serious. “We can take this… slowly. You are right, I have been through very much, and I worry that I won’t know how to… to be good, at this sort of thing, not for a while. But, if you are willing to be patient, I would very much like to try to get better at romance, for you,”

You offer him your hand, and after a second he takes it, and you squeeze lightly.

“Caleb, for you, I have infinite patience, and infinite faith you will do just fine, or will at least learn to. You are a very quick learner, as you’ve said,”

“You are correct, in that, but I don’t know if… if magical or intellectual learning works the same as- as emotional competence,” he responds, looking down at your clasped hands before he adjusts his grip slightly, and brings your hand to his lips. His eyes find yours again and he says, “I will definitely be trying, though, you can count on that for sure,”

You feel tears of joy prickling at the corners of your eyes, finally registering that this is definitely happening, and already Caleb is trying to express himself in a way he knows you are familiar with.

“Thank you, Caleb,”

“No, no, thank you. If you hadn’t said anything, I-I’m not sure that I… would have had the courage to say it first,”

“Well then… how close is it to midnight, do you think?”

“Eh, it should be very soon. Why do you ask?”

“I know you want to take things slowly, but if you wanted to… we could still do that kiss when the bells go off? If you don’t want to, then-” you immediately try to continue, worried you had perhaps already overstepped.

“No- yes, I mean… I would like to, ja,” he agrees, as his thumb begins to run over the back of your hand slowly. “That I think I can do, considering… well, I’ve liked you for a little while, and I’m sorry if it’s strange, but I… have thought about kissing you before, and I would like to do it for real,”

“It’s definitely not strange, or if it is, I am also a bit weird for thinking of kissing you as well,” you reassure him.

“Well, then… I suppose we can partake in that tradition very soon,” he says, nervous excitement shining in his eyes.

You nod, but before you can speak, the bells in their towers begin to ring, signaling New Dawn- and thus, the new year- has begun.

The excitement and nervousness seems to hit you both harder in that instant, but you release your hand from his, moving it up to his cheek.

His eyes flicker from yours, down to your lips. With a surge of confidence, he leans forward, and as the second bell chimes, his lips meet yours.

Your eyes close, savoring the moment, and you feel more than hear his deep inhalation at the contact. He is obviously nervous, but doesn’t pull away until after his lips move against yours.

When you both separate, it is with flushed cheeks and twinkling eyes.

“Happy New Dawn, Caleb,”

“Happy New Dawn indeed,” he says, slowly bringing his lips to yours once more.


End file.
